Random Thoughts of Modern Women

The Bachelor... really?

2010-02-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

I saw this post on a site called “Mamavision.com” and thought it was interesting.

I myself believe that a dozen women clawing and conniving and plotting to win the heart of one man in front of millions is ridiculous… but that’s just me. My mama always said, “Don’t compete or fight over a man” and that’s how I lived my life.

Anyway, here’s the website summary and some comments – what do you think?

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“I'm sorry but any woman who lines up for a cattle call for a chance to marry "some dude" is nuts. I mean really girls, where has our self esteem gone?”

The Bachelor

“I truly think this is pathetic. If one of my friends, or god forbid my daughter someday, wanted to go on this program I would be seriously worried about their mental health.

A. You don't line up for a husband under any circumstances.

B. You don't beg a guy to choose you.

C. You sure as hell don't go on national TV, stand in a room of other contenders, and start balling if you don't get "a rose." This all goes back to one simple thing – self esteem.

If these girls had any respect for themselves, they would not even dream of getting married this way (and none of you better either!)

I blame the rest on their parents, yes they are grown women, but for cripes sake can't we even raise a child with the confidence to stand on their own, know what they are worth, and not settle for less? The parents of these fine, smart women even participate in the selection process for goodness sake!

NOT normal. Rant over. Am I off my rocker? mV

COMMENTS:
“I do think the people that go on these shows are crazy and so are the people that go on those dating shows and compete to win the guy or girl. You can just see the low self esteem in the way they throw themselves at somebody they know almost nothing about. I’m sure some go on it to win money, some go for their 15 minutes of fame, and others… who knows? Still crazy though.”

“I find the whole concept insulting. I do think most of the women going on these shows are just out for their fifteen minutes though. If that’s any comfort… I appreciate the website. It’s nice to have a voice of sanity around.”

“I have never ever ever understood this show. A few years ago when I still lived at home my mom and younger sister LOVED it and I was just like, “why?!?!” It’s so insane. I feel that way about most reality shows. But something as significant as this is so disturbing.”

“B. You don’t beg a guy to choose you.”

“I would disagree with this one point. Situations in like aren’t always so simple that you can just have whoever you want with ease. “Don’t make someone a priority when they only make you an option,” I know. But I disagree, sometimes people are worth begging and waiting for.
And that has nothing to do with my self-esteem.”

“no no they are not do you really want to be with someone that you have to convince to be with you to actually beg - its pathetic.”

“I’m not saying everyone is worth it. Or even most. And I myself would never beg for anything, I’m too prideful and conscious for that. I am merely stating that neither life nor love are black-and-white games. Not to mention that I’d never be so selfish as to beg the one I loved to do something for me rather than him or herself, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth begging for.
If you aren’t willing to lower yourself to your knees for love, then you’re not loving.”

“Shouldn’t love be about standing equal.”

“Everyone has their own ideas of and standards for what loves is or should be. If I truly loved, I’d be willing to beg. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to, but it’s that I would be willing to that matters.”

WTF! (Watch the Family)

2010-02-16T11:35:00.001-08:00

Maybe it’s just me, but while sharing this with all of you I still cannot fathom what possessed a major television network to air such a show in the middle of a weekday afternoon.

I was home from work last week nursing a cold, lying on the couch, and working the clicker when I came across a show called The Drs. It was 2:00 PM in the afternoon on Boston’s Channel 7 (WHDH and an NBC – affiliate) and appeared to be about health and well-being so I stopped to watch for a bit. What I saw shocked and angered me because I realized that at this time of day, many children were probably watching the same thing.

This particular episode was called “Your Most Embarrassing Sex Questions” which were to be answered by a panel of five doctors including that day’s guest panelist, Dr. Ruth Westheimer. I should have known right then that this was going to be somewhat graphic. The show was filmed in front of a small studio audience and included several people clad in hospital scrubs who would take turns standing up and spinning a wheel to see which doctor would answer a question supposedly emailed from regular viewers.

Though the show did open with the warning… Adult Material… Viewer Discretion Advised… I wondered how many kids left alone in a room to watch television would actually change the channel upon hearing those words? I mean, wouldn’t a growing, curious child keep a look out for mom and stay tuned because of that? I mean, NBC is not one of those cable channels that parents usually blocked, am I right?

Okay getting back to the show, the “hospital attendants” asked the doctors questions on topics such as why sex can be painful, self pleasuring, sex toys and -- I kid you not -- details on how to use a vibrator correctly. Terms like “orgasm”, “vagina”, “ejaculate”, “nipples” and, yes, “clitoris” were also used in their “clinical” explanations, however, I might add, were often said with rather sly smiles and in some cases embarrassing giggles by some doctors. My question is, why does the FCC have strict regulations on what body parts and language is allowed on nighttime television but not this stuff?

Sex education aside, isn’t there is a proper time and place for such discussions? It might be perfectly appropriate for adults to sit in an open forum and be given answers to their sexual questions by professionals, but is anybody else appalled at the timing and availability of such a production to children who may be too young for school or home from school? Parents and teachers clash over sex education and condoms being given out at school all the time. And I can understand the concern and the need for teaching young people how to take care of themselves and be safe. But on afternoon television with no filters?

Does anyone else worry about this stuff -- our poor kids are exposed to enough, don't you think?

A Martini a Day Keeps the Anxiety at Bay!

2009-07-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

Just kidding, but after a tough week at the office, it's nice to relax and sip on a watermelon martini. Or a nice glass of chilled pino grigio. And it's okay for me to do so because it was my doctor that recommended it! See, I am the high strung kind of woman who constantly tries to figure out everything and everyone, always organizing things, and doesn't like to stop juggling all the balls I have in the air even for a moment. And heaven forbid I drop that quarter I'm holding between my cheeks!

For women like me, it may help to know that I practice a visualization before I go to sleep where I imagine actually putting all of the people in my life and the things I have on my mind, on the nightstand next to my bed so that I can fall asleep and not feel guilty for not thinking about them for 5 minutes. And not so much for the same reasons as a control freak, but more like those of a worry wart. That way I know that when I open my eyes in the morning, they will all be staring at me waiting for me to grab 'em and continue to obsess about them all over again!

So after my board meeting tonight I may just put on my PJs and sip on some vino... how about you?

Finale of New Jersey Housewives

2009-06-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

Well, mild mannered Teresa finally got fed up with Danielle's "digs" and let her have it! Table flipping, dishes everywhere, language... all the ingredients to a great season finale!

Not sure why Teresa invited Danielle to the dinner except that she had to be for the filming -- last thing that happened was that she hung up on Danielle after she called her regarding their "dance lesson" night.

Anyway, Dina and Caroline finally admitted to bringing "the book" into the salon and talking about Danielle... very interesting. I really didn't see the end coming like that. Especially the part when both Jacqueline and HER HUSBAND stuck up for Danielle in front of "the family."

Wonder what the Reunion Show is going to be like?????

Here are some links to more conversations.

'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Finale: The last supper: http://blog.zap2it.com/ithappenedlastnight/2009/06/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-finale-the-last-supper.html

'Real Housewives of New Jersey' finale: Their kids get front row seats: http://www.nj.com/parenting/carrie_stetler/index.ssf/2009/06/real_housewives_of_new_jersey_5.html

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale… Already?
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009/06/16/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-finale-already/

It's Fun to Have a Crush

2009-06-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that at the moment, my crush is Adam Lambert (second runner up on American Idol). I don't care that he's gay because it's fun to have crushes, isn't it? Not that I would ever get to meet him or get the chance to date him, so what's the harm. He's sweet and nice and cute and sings like no one else! I even get the chills when he hits those high, loud notes.

There are a lot of women who have crushes. It's fun at any age, and I don't think men can understand that. I think men "lust" for women and for them it's a turn-on. But for women, having a crush makes you feel like a teenager again. Your ears perk up when you hear his name, you get tingles when you hear his voice, and when you see his picture somewhere you swoon!

My first crush was David Cassidy (now you all know how old I am!). For some reason, that boy drive me nuts! After that there were a few more that have come and gone. But Jon Bon Jovi has stood the test of time, as has George Clooney!

Anyway, I love the rush I get when I see my fave guy suddenly pop up on television or I hear him on the radio... it's just fun!

Anyone care to admit who their crush is? Come on!

Did Susan Boyle Teach Us A Lesson?

2009-06-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago an unknown, unassuming woman with the voice of an angel took on a world filled with small-minded, judgmental know-it-alls and gave audio/visual club kids everywhere hope for a chance at greatness - and that was Susan Boyle.

The appearance of this brave, peculiar woman and the contradiction between her difficult life (before the show) and her incredible singing ability, made us all re-evaluate our thought processes and examine our suppositions about people which, for most of us, are based on mere appearances.

Let’s be honest, didn’t we all assume her performance would be terrible when we first looked at her? How is it that we have come to judge a person’s capabilities – their actual worth – on what we see in just a few seconds?

I believe that the rich and powerful have always dictated the trends to the media and advertisers who, in turn, train our eyes to recognize (their versions of) what is beautiful, valuable, and acceptable. We’ve become conditioned to think that way -- that what conforms to these ideals is good and what is different is bad.

Are we really falling for that? God, I hope not.

Can you imagine what it must have been like to completely reveal your true, imperfect self in front millions of skeptical eyes, knowing full well that you are the unlikeliest of heroes? If we take a moment to think back to puberty, I think it must have felt something like that! Scary. Embarrassing. Nauseating. But in the end so rewarding!

For anyone who considers themselves like Susan Boyle I say, “Never give up, and keep chasing your dream!” For the spoiled brats who have lived the “charmed” life I say, “Beware of the day things change for you. When you find yourself in the company of those whom you rejected, you will not know how to handle it.”

The saying, “There but for the grace of God, go I,” means that at any time, any one of us could find ourselves in the unfortunate circumstances of another, so I think the lesson here is to be more aware and tolerant of the plights and limitations of others, and to keep an open mind about people. And because when you think about it, what we tend to value most in life is fragile and fleeting -- beauty, fame, fortune, love I also believe it's important to be grateful for the gifts and good fortune that have come our way and consider ourselves lucky for even a moment in the spotlight.

Were you ever plucked from anonymity to celebrity? Does anyone want to share their moment in the spotlight?

Real Housewives of New Jersey

2009-06-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

Does anybody else have a strange fascination with these women? Now I am not a reality show watcher, but I became a fan of the Real Housewives of New York as a result of channel surfing and they were fun to watch… but the Real Housewives of New Jersey have me chained to my chair watching them deal with their own individual Italian struggles… and that accent — love it!!

Teresa has to be my favorite. So loving to her children and her husband (where does he get all that cash?) and caught up in finding the perfect accessories for all! (And how cute are those kids?!?!)

Dina with her diva-like qualities, her self-absorption (but in a good way) and her quest to get back her “little” girl (and I love Lexi!).

Caroline is great as the matriach of the bunch — all knowing, all confident, fiercely loyal and no one to mess with. Such lucky kids to have her as a mother, huh?

Jacqueline seems to be the puppy of the group, all loving and happy to see everyone and willing to take a treat from just about anyone. Sometimes I want to scream “Just tell her!” when she’s batting her eyes and looking all beaten down and lost.

And Danielle. The tragic, drama queen, always mis-understood and innocent of all charges. And despite her portrayal as the “victim” of the group, she somehow seems to be the unknowing antagonist who drives everyone nuts — can it be on purpose or is she just annoying?

There’s lots of self-esteem issues and insecurities going on here too – can you tell?

Why is it so hard for Jacqueline to make her place in the family? And though I love Teresa, is she really a sh-t stirrer? And why do we never see Dina’s husband? She mentions her husband but appears like a strong, single (unhappy) working mother. And what’s with Danielle’s plastic face? There’s a sad women under all that Botox.

Anyone care to comment. I love these girls!

Are Our Young Women In Trouble?

2007-05-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today’s Illusionary Icons: What are the messages being broadcast to young women and by whom? Celebrities? Advertisers? Videos? Rap stars? Movies? Are they healthy messages or are they misleading and damaging? How do we help our sisters to feel proud, happy, and good about themselves?

My generation grew up watching Mary Tyler Moore proudly hold her own in the boorish business world, Edith innocently defy Archie’s intolerance, and Maude argue for social reform. We read about the “women’s movement” in Cosmopolitan magazine, while Cher broke new ground with her unabashed sexuality. Over the years, the struggles of our older sisters made it possible for us to open doors, to attain more than they had, to soar. As we grew up, we dreamed of meeting our Prince Charming, but we also envisioned working in the city or becoming a doctor or a lawyer. Indeed, over the years we made important strides in our quest for equality with men in business and in society, but what about in relationships?

I am concerned that a lot of girls today feel they need to have a man (actually, a boy) in their lives in order to feel complete. Part of the reason is age -- the dawn of hormones -- but could it also be a result of reality shows where a dozen women compete for one man by using any means necessary? These shows have turned meeting and winning the heart of a man (a/k/a “falling in love”) into a spectator-driven, cut-throat event featuring ruthless women who act as if men were almost extinct!

Now, I admit that as young girls we wanted to have boyfriends and we wore makeup (remember that black eyeliner and blue eye shadow?), but I also remember that all of that was just a part of our lives as budding young women. We were also curious about the world, about finding out who we were, and what we would become.

One reason for the somewhat distorted thinking of young women today could be that the world around them is not teaching them about integrity, confidence, or self-esteem. Parents today work really hard and can only hope that their children will listen to their words of wisdom and experience. It’s a losing battle when young women are then bombarded by self-serving, deceptive messages emanating from the media around them.

I think we should be taking responsibility for teaching young women the difference between what is true and appropriate for them in real life, and what is put out there for “shock value” and entertainment purposes. We need to tell them that they have a choice not to be that woman in the video dancing half naked and that they will still get a boyfriend. We have to tell them that it’s okay to refrain from using (and listening to) offensive and disgusting language, and that Britney and Christina are dressed like that because they are on stage (not in a classroom), and that yes, blow jobs are sex!

I look at my teenage niece and I worry. I don't see her embracing all that the world has to offer her and I do try to set an example, but it's difficult.

It seems like the kids these days (I sound like my parents now!) want to make a fortune, right away, and the easiest way possible. Technology's fault. Who knows?

Anyone care to comment?

How Do You Define A Successful Relationship?

2007-05-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

Please feel free to share your experiences on what makes a relationship a sucess or a disaster.

Over the years I've realized that the way many people define a “successful” relationship is limited to only those that result in marriage - but I don't think so. When you are in a relationship with someone, as you put certain things into it, you also want to get certain things out of it. You should, of course, be able to give as well as receive love and/or affection and maintain a general compatibility. However, when classifying a relationship, you should also consider its overall benefits and meaning for you. Ask yourself: at least for a time, did you have fun, laugh, enjoy yourself? Feel respected and supported? Make positive strides? Learn something about other people? About yourself?

In my opinion, if you spent a considerable amount of time with someone who touched your life for the better in some way, even if it did not end up in marriage, then you should consider it a positive experience. I believe that people come into our lives at different times for various reasons. For example, you may meet someone right before the death of a loved one, and that person may be the one who will help you through it. You may develop a relationship with someone who has an odd set of beliefs and opinions, and that person’s presence may be necessary in order for you to expand your mind and maximize your potential. You could also establish a relationship with someone who treats you better than anyone else ever has, and I believe that person was meant to raise your standards for the kind of life you make for yourself.

However, even if you have a relationship with someone who turns out to be unfaithful, consider that you made contact with and had affection for another human being who ended up teaching you a valuable lesson about trust, awareness, and forgiveness. In my mind, the key to determining if a relationship was successful lies in how it impacted your life. And as long as you enjoyed yourself for a time and were able to avoid long periods of unhappiness or suffering, then I’d say you can check one off in the win column!

I believe the goal in relationships should be to spend the moments of your life wisely and to savor every emotion. If you have established a relationship with someone who, as it turns out, is not right for you, so what? You made a connection and, hopefully, a friend. You participated in the flow of your life, made the most of the experience, and continued to move forward. Because isn’t that what our lives really are? A journey over an unknown period of time where our experiences help us to understand and grow and change ourselves and our communities as we search for meaning and happiness and answers to our questions about God and ourselves? Those are the reasons why we have relationships, why we feel love and laughter and wonder and sadness, and why we have to let go and be happy anyway.

What do you think? Too idealistic or trying to salvage something from the experience?

TheAccidentalExpert.com